I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
