Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I deserve this hangover.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
