I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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