Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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