I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
