In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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