I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
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The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
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Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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