I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
