I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
