Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
