When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
