you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
