dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
