just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
