some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
