If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Randomize
