You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
