I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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