if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
