Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
