There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
That accounts for only three of the penises
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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