If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
