dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We were destined to go to rehab together
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
