And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
