Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize