i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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