I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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