he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
