Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
