I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
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