Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I could make wine with my vomit
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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