I must be too annoying 4 u.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
