Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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