I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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