if you like me you must not know who I am
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
