I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
