the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
