then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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