i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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