Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
