Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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