So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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