dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
