Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
