Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I wear drunk well.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
