i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
