cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
