Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
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No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
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I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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