His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
