I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
