and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
