Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
