trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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