3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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