I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
