Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
