upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
