I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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