bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
