Whod you bang
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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