it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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