At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
