I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
