Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
