My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
