I look better un-naked...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
