So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
